The Puker

So I finally had my first puker the other night while driving.  I knew it was going to be an interesting ride just by the fist 30 seconds of the guy getting into the car.  He gets in and, immediately, while his three companions are getting in the car he starts telling me that we’re going to bring him to his apartment and he’s going to prepare a drink and then we’re going to go to the Hookah Lounge on Fulton.  He is, of course, 3 sheets to the wind at this point so it’s hard for me to exactly understand what he is asking of me.  Finally his three companions have gotten themselves into the back seat.  The one directly behind me decides that in order to convince me to bring them to the guys house and then bring them to the Hookah Lounge she’s going to start flirting with me.  She starts going on and on as I’m driving telling me how cute I am, and how my pink shirt brings out my eye color.  At this point the guy is on his cellphone talking to somebody rather loudly, the girl is behind me is trying to smother me in affection, the girl in the back middle is loudly telling me that this is Grand Rapids and nobody follows the rules when driving, and the girl in the back passenger side is starting to say roll down the window I’m hot, roll the down the window I’m hot, over and over.  Now this — this  is where I went wrong.  The warning signs were right in front of me.  Flashing in front of my eyes like a big bright neon sign.  Flashing saying “roll down the window”.  But of all the voices in the Jeep at that moment, hers was drowned out.  We pull up to the apartment and the guy in the front seat starts pestering me again about bringing his drinks with them to the Hookah Lounge.  I’m letting him know that I’ll be more than happy to bring them to the Hookah Lounge, but there would be no drinks coming along for the ride.  At this point I start to hear the dreaded sound.  I turn around, and the girl that was hollering for the window to be rolled down because she’s hot, is in the back seat puking all over the door, the window, outside the door, and all over the seat.  She finally got out, turned around and puked on the outside of the door.  Meanwhile dude decides he’s done with it all and tells me to forget going to Hookah Lounge.  The middle girl gets out leaving me and the crazy girl that was sitting behind me in the car.  Amazingly, she’s still trying to get me to bring them to the Hookah Lounge.  I’m like, “dude… your friend literally just puked all over my car.  My night’s done, I’m going home.”  At this point she’s telling me that the dude is rich and he’ll pay for the cleaning if we bring them.  I chuckled to myself, because ya… he was going to pay alright.  Finally I got them all outta the Jeep and headed home to get the car cleaned as much as I could at that time of night (2:15am) and take pictures of the damages and send it in to Uber.  By the time I woke up, Uber had already charged the guy and forwarded it on to me.  Fun times.

(Syndicated from https://probablyretep.com)

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